I Don't Fear My Condition, I Fear People

Hello Readers,

After talking with some of the sufferers of Rheumatoid Arthritics recently in support groups I decided to share my story. One that I get scared about sharing, only recently I have learned not to be scared of it. My writing life has taught me to not be scared of the people, who judge me for having a condition that was well out of my control.

For some of the Sufferers of a condition that we call just plainly RA. It can be anything from a mild condition that doesn't effect there lives so much to a nearly life threatening condition that shakes you to your core most days. Either way our lives are changed and not in a way that can be explained at all that well. It just happens to you when you least expect and here is the scary part all of you carry that genre and it could be you some day that has to face up to it.

For those of you who don't know what Rheumatoid Arthritics is, its when your immune system attacks the lining of your joints, organs (in some cases, mostly in child formed cases) and even your muscle linings. We get red swollen areas, things locking up without our control, other complications too that are way to long to be listed here.

My life with Rheumatoid Arthritics (RA)

I'm 22 years old now and I have been battling my rare form for over 20 years. Yeah my whole life nearly. I can't really remember a childhood that doesn't involve tubes, hospital stays, fear, death sentences and well bullying. Yeah I said it. I was bullied for my condition, because I wasn't at school with the rest of my classmates all the time so they treated me differently. I was even bullied by my own brother.

My condition was the children's version, I had swelling in my stomach, organs, joints and in my skin. (Your skin is one of the largest organs in your body if not the biggest). I lived with a contest burning from within, pain that they couldn't control and fear. I grew up in the cancer ward of the Aberdeen Hospital most of the time. My condition was a rare form and it was hard for them to control, in fact they believed they couldn't control it.

Back when I was jut 5 years old they placed a tube into my stomach and started me on the Methorextic trail, I was one of the first kids on it. I was one of the few that made it through. They still to this day can't tell me what was in that trail that saved my life all they know is that it did.

I was told 3 times over the course of my life I would die before I reached a certain age. A fear of just dropping down dead or relapsing to the point I wouldn't come back is always a fear of mine. The doctors are unsure what they can do to help me. All this has been made harder with the other diffculites I have developed. Even though looking at me you wouldn't think there is anything wrong, well there is. A list longer than my arm most days.

That is what I hate about this disease. Its something that people can't see and its something that the medical professionals don't really understand still. They don't understand my own form at all. I still have the child form even though I'm well into my adult age. They believe now that it wouldn't ever change or get into the adult form. (Yeah apart of me will always be a child, is that a good thing or bad?)

Now I'm on Herbs and a Positive Energy Program that has made me come to terms with the condition. A condition that I use to not be able to talk about. Heck if I had never done this course I wouldn't be able to write this blog or have written my desperate story of getting published as an author with the condition. I can tell you it scares me sometimes, because what I went through with kids my own ages, older than me with my own brother. I can tell you still happens for Children all over America, Canada and the UK. We are treated like we are covered in the plague.

I had to fight for my freedom of movement when medical staff gave up on me, when the schools I attend wanted to shove me into 'disabled classes' even though I was just as ordinary as any other children only difference was I couldn't do the things they did.

Only recently since I joined the support groups and look at the fact I have more movement in my joints and limbs that I have become grateful for my mothers fight with me as well as the determination we shared for me to be as normal as possible. Heck being a teenage with the stuff I had to deal with was even harder. Injecting yourself with a drug that was killing me at the time was even harder. It made people treat me like a junkie cause I needle marks in my shoulders and thighs. Still do.

Life with this condition isn't easy and I feel like everyday is hard when people make my life. Isn't it hard enough that some of us have to worry about the life threatening side or the fact we have to fight to get out of bed some days. I want to raise awareness for the conditions and what it is like to grow up with this. I have been there and now how hard it is.

So today I took time out of my writing life, (not fancy) to tell my side of things. I talk more about it in my Autobiography that will becoming out this month with XoXo Publishing, but for now I wanted to share something that changed my life and made me strong on the inside even if I'm not that strong on the outside.

Thank you for stopping by today and hope this helps people out there. I'm always on Facebook or Twitter if anyone with the condition wishes to talk to me and found in many of the support groups that is on Facebook too now. Sometimes its hard to share your story, because you don't really fear the condition, you fear the people around you. With that I understand and have my support.

Kristal McKerrington