About Me

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I'm Kristal McKerrington. I have been a published author since 2010. I'm currently signed at Gilbert Literacy Agency. I'm signed with several publishers. I work with ReemVision. Even appeared on TMZ a few times. I'm a nationwide author with Marie's World. I have become a worldwide author with many publishers. 

I live in Scotland, I'm a believer in a free Scotland. I love Viking myths and history. I'm a reader in my spare time. I love to read paranormal and romance novels. I am co-creator of the genre wrestling romance with Joe E Legend. I'm a believer in doing a show on wrestling and romance writing together, showcasing my lifestyle compared to Joe's. 

I've written a comedy novel which comes out in 2015 with Firefly & Wisp Publishing. I'm entering new genres with interest. I love a challenge when it comes to my writing. 

I'm good friends with Mohombi who has supported my novel Marie's World going nationwide in the UK and will be released nationwide in the US. We have had support from Sony Music and other big promoters, celebrities. 

Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Loving A Man I Can't Have Snippet- Kristal McKerrington

Hello Readers,

Please check out the great story that I wrote from a different point of view. I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. Maybe you can help cheer up this dull day.

Amazon USA
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Amazon CA
Amazon AU

Chapter 1

Entering the hotel, banners were everywhere, hanging from the roof down towards the floor. They draped down onto a flush pink carpet  in the white marble-floored foyer.  Even the balconies, several floors up were decorated with other touches to make this feel like a romance convention. Trace and Jim weren't so sure what they walked into, however for several moments they enjoyed the view. Pictures of women in their underwear, lying in erotic poses weren't exactly something they were used to seeing in public.
When the pair were finally able to drag their eyes away from the banners, they just stood there unable to believe what they were seeing.
“What have they booked us into?”  Jim said to himself.
Women and men, all ages, in all different types of costumes filled the area. People stared at them, and in the case of the females, they couldn't help but return the favour.  Trace and Jim noticed the models passing by  them were of all sizes,  from zero to size eighteen, stood in queue in front of a large ballroom, and not one of them of them  seemed to be ashamed of what they were wearing.
Some looked like professional models. Some were tattooed just as they were, others , weren't. Some had freckles, fake tans, real tans, no tans; long hair, others short hair and everything in between, there was ones that met in the middle ground.   Trace couldn't believe Gothic, Punk, Girly girls, fashion chicks, cowgirls, red lipstick, sports girls, and geeks crowded together, the range of personalties  standing together in a queue  headed into a ballroom were beyond any description this pair could put together.
“Whatever Dan booked us into, it’s going to be an interesting weekend,” Trace said. Trace could tell the guards stood in the doorway , weren't enjoying checking passes and checking names with dour looks on their faces. Trace chuckled to himself. He did not envy them – weeding out the crazies when everyone looked kind of crazy, couldn’t be an easy gig.
A tall brunette in hot pants brushed by them, her fingers lingered on his chest and Trace felt nothing inside him as her eyes filled with a fire he knew before he would want to devour.
“Damn,” Jim said behind his hand as the brunette disappeared in the throng of people.
“Easy boy, she would break you in the first five minutes.” Trace teased and Jim elbowed him in the ribs.
Trace absently mindedly rubbed his ribs just to keep Jim happy.  
“Gosh I could do that one,” Jim muttered under this breath, Trace glanced over at him at Jim with eyes that said he hoped that this wasn't going to go on all weekend.
Jim had a square jaw and a slight bent nose – the mark of a man who had been through a lot of wars. Shorts covered his tanned toned legs, and his arms looked huge under the t-shirts sleeves. His long brown hair was tied up into a pony tail and thin stern lips concealed a funny personality with years of experience of dealing with women. Experience that Trace didn't envy.  Trace stared over  Jim's shoulder at the woman and Trace shook his head, laughing. His hand came up. He looked like a addict and seeing the reactions on Jim's face almost lightened the mood for  Trace.
Jim's stern lips concealed a funny personality with years of experience of dealing with  difficult situations such as this.  Jim always seemed to walk the line of happy marriage and disaster.   Trace knew his friend endured a rough time at home, since his wife fell pregnant with their  fifth child. Living just down the road from Jim,  Trace knew just how tough things had been . His hand came up on instinct  and smacked  Jim in the centre of his chest. “You’re married and you can't afford another divorce.”   Jim rubbed the sore spot to the right of his cross, refusing the smug smile on his face which said  that he believed   his old friend wasn’t thinking the same thing as him.
They both knew how much Trace struggled to let go of his days as a wondering lover.  Of meeting women and instantly wondering what he might do to them if he got them in his bed. He could only imagine the torture his best friend went through to walk into a place full of pictures of half-naked women and not be able to do anything about it.
As wrestlers scandals, love triangles and affairs were just another element of the lifestyle.   Trace couldn't imagine living the way that Jim did.   Trace knew , regardless of  Jim's ogling, the heartache his friend suffered having to spend so much time on the road and away from his family. But it was all he knew and these wrestling tours were what put food on the table.
The surrounding crowds grew by the minute as fans floated around, waiting to be allowed past the doors. Some inspected them, eying him and his friend as if they were dirt on their shoes, while others gave them winks and lustful gazes, glancing  their way like  Jim and Trace might be their next meal.
Those looks weren’t exactly a burden.
They’d grown used to it. The stares, the jeers, all and everything. Women and men, all ages, in all different types of costumes filled the hotel foyer to its brink. .
“What  there they thinking?”  A slight stutter forced a smile to come to Trace's face as he rubbed his face.
People stared at them and they couldn't help but return the favour.Trace was covered in tattoos, he had  brown blond hair flopping down over his eyes. Jeans covered his defined legs with a t-shirt plastered over his chest, broad shoulders. A duffle bag swung over his shoulder. Black work boots covered his feet. J
 'Sports Entertainers' as people now called them – for the last thirteen years there had been a lot of trying times. Their jobs were to sell storylines and make an audience believe they were there to win championships, to be the good or bad man.
These days, thanks to the crowd appeal, the fights had become even more realistic. They risked their lives and their audiences of kids, teenagers and adults were left believing in what they did. They had to put up with people who had no idea about what they endured just to make a buck. So many promoters ripped them off by cancelling or downsizing the event, leaving them out of pocket.
Their job was to come out on top or lose badly before heading home to do the husband and normal life, if any of them got to do the normal life part anymore.
But this, this was definitely the strangest, most abnormal thing either one of them ever walked into.
A crowd of readers and fans  formed behind them as they waited for the doors to open. The room they were all so happy to head into the room  was a room with a  banner swaying  just  above the  entrance. The following words were printed down the side of the banner   'Erotica Authors In Their Underwear' .  He wondered what would make these women and men strip off to attend this conference.
Trace stared closely up at one of the book covers  of the one women in their underwear along the edge of the on the banner. The moment he spotted the face of the model at its center  of one of the book covers, instantly he felt  his stomach knotted up. It was  Kate.
His Kate, the woman who turned his life upside down.
He would strangle his and he hated the promoter  for  doing this to him.
He gazed up at her, unable to rip his eyes away. He knew Kate had started   a glamour modelling part of her website after they went their separate ways. Trace found himself becoming one of her readers and fans, when she started to pose in very little clothing. He felt proud of her new success until a dark set of thoughts set into his mind.
It ripped his guts out to see her on the covers of books in the different countries they had  visited together.  The roaring success,   she  found with her  pictures for sale on her site made it hard for him to not fear that she was going to find someone better than him.
Trace knew that the pictures on her website were always worth seeing, however much he hated that everyone else could as well.. He  sent  his  personal assistant with picture of him every chance he could. She  always sent him  rejection letter after letter.   Each one read like it  came from her managers or the site web master, never from her directly.
But Trace knew differently.
It made his desire to again see her rolling around in his sheets all the  that  greater and the ache in his heart larger,   Kate made it  painfully aware of what he'd lost.
So he would  be staying in the heart of some romance conference  for this weekend. Great.
The last time he had been the  on   trailing after Kate, Normally only authors and readers of erotica books knew about these sort of conferences. Trace knew all about them, because he followed Kate to one once while pleading with  her to take him back. To allow him one more chance to make things right.
“Now she is hot, don't tell me that you wouldn't want to bend her over?” Jim interrupted   Trace staring off into the distance.  Trace  shook his head, his mind and eyes still on the image above him. What he missed out on and memories of how she felt pressed up against him still filled his nerves with hope.   “She's not the one I prefer.” Trace uttered and kept his eyes fixed on her face.
Jim looked up following Trace's eyes.
“Seriously  you’re still pinning over Kate?.” Jim  commented and Trace could hear his concern in his voice.
 Trace turned away from him and fiddled with strap on his duffle bag.
“Trust me ,  drop it for now,  okay?” Trace asked and he kept what parts of his voice even as he could.
Jim held his hands up in the air.
Trace couldn't imagine living the way that Jim did. The torture  his best friend went through to walk into a place full of pictures of half naked women and not be able to do anything about it.
Jim's wife  had become unhappy again, about the fact  Jim had signed up for tours taking him away  for three weeks. He still suffered great heartache about leaving her or his children because he had already felt like he had missed so much.  But Jim had so many mouths to feed and their dreams depended on   him. He  spent  his life working fighting for them and  knew nothing else.
Staying at home drove him up the wall and Trace knew that Jim  just couldn't handle a nine to five job.    Trace knew that Jim had tried and ended up quitting just two days later. Standing there unsure of what to do next, Jim turned  towards Trace, he watched his friend out the corner of his eye. .
Jim couldn't control the giggles breaking out through his words.    There had been been a lot of  weird times over the last thirteen years they'd been through as wrestlers. Trace remembered the nights they fought in strip clubs with glitter and alchol over the place. The time they were in camps and the nights they spent in holiday camps. The times when they were working in hot countries where they burned their backs on the ring when they landed on it.  
“I'm not sure, whatever Dan booked us into this to get back for you sleeping with his sister before you married your third wife.”  Trace answered and he shook his head as he ran his hands through his hair.
“How the hell was I suppose to know that she was his sister.” Jim grunted and he looked nervous. Trace ignored it.
“Well you could keep it in your pants from time to time.” Trace commented and he laughed with Jim.
“We both know that she wasn't just sleeping with me. I'm sure she bent over for a few of the boys.” Jim said and Trace knew that his friend was properly right.
 The sound of a voice through stopped Trace from continuing on the conversation. He hadn't that voice for so long.  He heard  an all too familiar voice all to familiar to him utter words behind him which echoed in the background just then and his bag dropped to the floor.
 A voice he hadn't heard in months and he felt sure he would never hear again and Trace froze in place.
It couldn’t be was his second though.   How this could be going on just down the street from one of his wrestling events?
She couldn't be. Here…
She last tweeted she was chained to her desk.  Trace found a bundle of nerves take root inside him. He moved uneasy next to Jim, trying to decide if he should go and see if the voice belonged to the woman he thought it belonged  to.  He hoped he went nuts and he just imagined her here because of the he saw her banner. He hoped she wasn't around and yet his gut wouldn't allow him to leave it alone.
It tormented him and begged him to go check it out.

“Hey Jim book us in, eh. I need to check something out,”  Trace blurted out. before he could even take a step away from Jim.
He tossed the duffle bag  at Jim who caught it. But before he could even take another step away Jim. His best friend grabbed his arm and pulled him back to a stand  standstill next to him, his eyes wide;.  fixed  on his friend.  His own nerves were showing in his face,   his Christian cross from his wife hung around his neck. It shone brightly in the lights above them.
Trace hadn't seen Jim move so fast in years.
“Don't leave me with these people. And if you’re going in  there, don't you dare leave without taking pictures.” Jim's voice sounded serious and Trace could tell there was something that his friend wasn't saying, but he let it go.   The two  statements were enough to make  Trace laugh.  He could see the time he normally got alone with his wife wasn't enough. He could tell this drove his friend nuts.
“Did you hear that voice?, I'm going to see if this is who I think it is.” Trace said watching his friends face fall.    
He watched his friends face grow whiter. instead and before he could hear what his tag team partner’s response  was.
Trace followed the sounds of the voice along the Hilton's shining hallway with the marble floors and , white and black walls.  High technical lights hung above his head.  Vases of fresh cut flowers that were in vases lined up and down  the hallway and corridors.  The area was filled with books from all different authors,  and many signing the covers and talking to other readers.
He focused on thet voice, now sure who stood at the end of it. The accent,  English meets a Southeastern American drawl.   The voice of  connected to a wonderful woman, one who  always took his breath away and the same one who so many months ago, had rejected him..
On his way towards the voice, he allowed himself to think about her.  Knowing she stood on the other side of the wall made being in this building insufferable. He had never been rejected like that before.  For whatever reason, the more she rejected him the more he chased after her.,
As a wrestler,  Trace knew they spent their whole lives on the road.  Everyone knew that Trace preferred the road or so he told himself. He told himself he needed to focus on being a worldwide known Sports Entertainer. Sports Entertainers couldn't and  weren't allowed  to be weak.
Until her, he’d been just that. He told himself he needed to focus on being a worldwide known Sports Entertainer more than a husband. The road was a lonely place after the fun of it died. He wished he had gone to College and had a back up plan.
The lines  he used on her in the past, had always worked on other girls. ,  . The girls use to fall quicker for him Kate McBridge held her own, , gave him the run around,   tackled his way of thinking and left him struggling to keep up.
She wrote a best- selling erotica. t Books so dirty even he had to have cold showers after them, and stories so sweet it could leave  him sniffling . She worked hard like him.
They were both on the road for three hundred days a year, she was un-contactable for at least thirty days a year. Somehow they had connected instantly. Kate didn't seem to notice her talents. She didn't have an ego. A rare thing, even in his neck of the woods.  She stayed so down to Earth with her fans and readers and seemed to take great pleasure in just being herself.
He hadn’t known anything like her existed. And quickly he’d found himself more and more turned away from other women. Yet people still treated her like a side show act,   This got him outraged  for her. Her industry made no sense to him.
She got him through hard times. When he grew tired of the road or with how thing were being done, she’d been his  anchor. He hadn’t realized just how much he talked to her until she wasn't around anymore.
The woman connected to him instantly. She worked hard like him. They were both on the road for three hundred days a year, she was un-contactable for at least thirty days a yea They both knew part of the reason why she still toured so much nowadays was   to forget about what they shared. The same reason for him.
 After being with her he found himself more and more turned away from other women, because they weren't her.She could get him through hard times when he was not getting the same level of attention or when he missed her.  When he went on the road too much and he grew tired of it or with the way things were being done.
 She use to been a good ear to him when he struggled with other problems.  He didn't realise just how much he talked to her until she wasn't around anymore. She was addictive and teased him to all levels. In a way that made him depend upon her.   She flirted with  him, made the world feel too   small for her to be a part of yet so wide he could reach her. As a wrestler,  they spent whole lives on the road.  Everyone knew that Trace preferred the road or so he told himself.
Sports Entertainers couldn't and  weren't allow  to be weak. He told himself he needed to focus on being a worldwide known Sports Entertainer. Nether Trace nor Jim  couldn't think of doing anything else now and  they   spent  their  nights at home talking  Jim's son out of the business they loved.  
Trace knew that Jim  was the only one who understand his trials. They pair shared the heartache of this world..  He got taken in by her personality and by her body. He didn't think anything like her existed.  
Kate convinced Trace  if there is such a thing as the perfect package than she  was it.  She made him  forget about the fact that the life they used to know no longer existed, and it was he who’d destroyed it. He hadn’t been able to tell her the truth and he’d lost her over it. He still remembered how shocked she’d been in finding out, the back and forth it led had oddly given him hope – asking how he could have lied,  cheated  all this time. He’d foolishly thought confessing once caught would be enough.
It hadn’t been
A few months changed everything.
She’d kept him at arm’s length after the break up. She couldn't trust him, her books had made him painfully aware of this fact. Kate published over twelve a year. Every book he read helped him understand what was going on inside her head, all of her mixed feelings. He knew she went to sleep with him in her mind; he also knew she wasn't going to let him back into her life. And as time passed, he grew more addicted to her words on the page.
After a while he began to see parts of their conversations in her books. Read storylines he knew she’d based on him, seen her put some of her male characters through rough trials and obstacles as warnings to him to not chase her anymore. He’d once even confronted her about it. Her response had sent shivers through him:
‘Don't piss off a writer, because you will appear in the book.  She’ll take great pleasure in torturing you within those pages.’
Even so he wilfully ignored her warnings. No matter what she put ‘his’ character through, ‘he’ always ended up being her main love.  She always gave him a happy ending.
So he grew more aggressive. He wanted one more night to show her what she could have with him. He couldn't imagine not seeing her in his messages. The way her number taunted his phone. He found himself watching her website, like he knew she must be watching his.  He checked out her weekly video's and found himself rather enjoying them. It was borderline internet stalking, technically, yes, but it was all he had.
He’d tried to prove himself, to become exactly what she wanted. Then one night a year ago, with the rain pouring, tears streaming down her face, she’d stood before him. She wasn't going to be one of his groupies, she’d told him, one of his one night stands. She wanted a man with a backbone, who could open himself and give his life to her.
She couldn't do this  anymore with him, not when he wouldn’t do the same for her .
“I can't trust you.” Her last words to him and his entire world had almost ended there.
Trace hadn't been able to tell her the truth. He missed and thought about every night he lay in the hotel room staring up at the ceiling. How shocked she had been,   at his confession which led to him giving up  hope.  Why he   him asking her for forgiveness would  make her understand, why he had trust issues, why he would expect her to go along with something like this, why he had been  cheating on his wife with her?
She’d kept him at arm’s length after the break up. She couldn't trust him. She made him painfully aware of this fact.
Time passed and he grew more addicted to her words on the page.  He also knew she wasn't going to let him back into her life. Every book that she wrote helped  him  understand what was going on inside her head.
He allowed himself to grow angry at her, it never lasted.
  Trace only wished he could have the happy ending with her that he found in her books.   Trace willed  his feet to continue to keep taking him towards the owner of the voice he'd been dying to see for months.
She’d found someone else.   a small thought thread had remained between them. She left him messages whenever she saw him perform on TV, though she rarely returned his texts now and she hardly ever messaged him. He knew from her agent that she still watched him compete, and she gradually became another reason to wrestle well and pull out all of the stops.
He missed what they had, still thought about her every night he lay in the hotel room staring up at the ceiling. But he could only admit that to himself no anyone else. He’d started to hear rumours she was single again, and it couldn't have come at a worse time for him. Or for his new female friend who now stayed stay at his home.
She was the first woman  Trace let back in after his divorce and she looked after everything back home for him – Jim's wife's sister, Chloe. That fact didn't change how Trace felt about Kate.
.He wanted one night to show her what she could have with him. He  needed her. But he could only admit that to himself no anyone else. And she refused. He grew more aggressive. He couldn't imagine not seeing her in his messages.
The way her number taunted him in his phone.  Trace tried to prove himself,  become exactly what she wanted.
Kate knew better than anyone else. Trace couldn't give her  the life, she really wanted .   Trace couldn’t go through this again with her. It was too much to think about at once.
He wished he met her before he got married. He wouldn't have let her out of his sight and she wouldn't get a chance to get away from him. Made sure she never wanted to leave the house or to leave his side.
Make her feel like the Goddess she appeared to him as. Trace couldn't afford to get hurt again. What hurt him more about his divorce,  was losing Kate,  Trace knew the chances they held together were gone with the wind.
Hearing the voice growing closer, he felt his own heart leap in his chest, pushing all other thoughts form his mind.  His breath  quickened .  Trace followed the sound around the corner.
She stood with a group of fellow authors.  He halted at the other side of the corner,  with his heart in his mouth and it took a moment for him to  listen to the sound of her voice. She sounded just the same if not more upbeat and more professional than ever.
He missed hearing it.
Though it was what she wore he saw  that made made Trace’s own eyes nearly pop out of his head.
 It had been some time since she posted a picture and now he knew why.  The sight in front of her was enough to make his breath catch in his throat.  He stared at her and hoped she'd never change her look again.
Chocolate brown leather trousers covered her thick shapely thighs and a crop top showed off her solid abs.  He could see the results of her work out programs she'd been sharing with her readership in order to gain numbers and more of loyal fan base worked well for her. Sunglasses covered her eyes and protecting them against the rays of the Sun filling the room from above. The glass ceiling made her hair appear shiny and made her pale skin look more like precious porcelain. She looked like she would break if you handled her too roughly.
She looked amazing. Delighted to be able to use her time in the gym to do it and still appear to be working.
Trace took a deep breath. The more he tried to force air into his lungs, the the more it eluded him.  The more it seemed to disappear right back out again.
He watched  her from his sidelong view. A smile peeked  out of the long colored hair which draped slightly across fell over her face and he felt its warmth. .  She seemed so at peace, so full of life. Yet he could see she was in work mode, could see.
He remembered her fun loving personality. Seeing her going about her job, with her body turned sideways to him, gave him long enough for him to take control over himself.  Her voice was up beat and so full of life. On the outside she pulled off the same calm exterior s hewhen he was in the wrestling ring.
He missed hearing it.
“What do you think of my reality TV creation, Inside My Sheets? ?” Kate asked.
He  and watched the eyes of readers and other author's eyes light up in recognition..  
“I can't believe that authors are doing an actual show about their lives,.” one  of them  commented.
“Is anything on the show about your life, personally?” Another commented and he watched her nod.
Trace knew the series well. , since Kate had told him about it and he ended up watching and recording it online.  She’d toiled long hours,  locking herself away from everyone, even her agent, to complete  the book she launched in the show. Though known for cutting off contact when writing, didn't change the show. .
Trace heard from her agent, even she got banned from contacting   Kate during her longest stint in writing her series of books so far.  Those weeks were the longest he remembered seeing without seeing her posting on her social media pages.
Ironically, her modelling had shot her literary career into super stardom. Kate began to reach the same levels of fame as him – not an easy area for a man with his ego to deal with or handle. He’ seen one of her titles on The New York Times Bestsellers List, and immediately sent the picture to Kate.
She modelled most of the covers for the books series and used her photo-shoots shots as an extra special gift for her readers and fans at signings. He knew the idea behind it was so  the fans had another special moment to remember her by.
He’d  sent his agent to get one picture for him and signed to his first name only. It wasn't until later on she figured  out it was for him.  She signed it to him, with a message which still made him smile to this day: . 'You should have come and got this picture yourself, lazy old man'.
The picture was framed and sat on the wall of his office. He’d   endured a hard time explaining it to Chloe, his current female friend, but really hadn’t cared what she thought..  He hated to use the term girlfriend but he didn't really care too much about what she thought or her needs.
She became a bit of a superstar to other erotica author's readers when they saw her in the street. None of this changed things for her, she walked around like a normal person. .
 His mind went back to these series of books as he listened to the readers  talking to her about them.
Seeing her here, he felt himself being drawn deeper into the room.   He stood in the middle of the bar and he knew she was meant to be working yet he didn't care. Trace listened to them talking and realized he felt happier than ever he’d been. It felt too long.
Too long  since he last  held her,  or kissed her. He missed the way she felt and the way she laughed in his ear. He wondered whether or not she changed her schedule so she wouldn't be in the same city, town or even the same State as him anymore.
He’d waited for such a long time for this moment, to speak to her.   Trace knew there his chance sat, it gleamed, He knew he really shouldn't enter the bar and talk to her, but.   t. He couldn't help himself.
Yet Tracee just couldn't.
Trace guessed she wasn't here with her man. She looked to  relaxed . He knew her tells.
The way she bit her lip and how she seemed to always tilt her head to one side when talking. He loved her and she would always be the first woman to make him love again. The first woman in a really long time he ended up loving without hating himself for it. He didn't force himself or make himself feel this way about her.
It happened and it made all of this worse. His heart  beat faster, her smile brightening the room.
Approaching her from the back, Trace almost gasped for breathe as he stood there watching her. Waiting for the right moment.
He placed his hand on her shoulder, knowing there wasn't any turning back
 from this moment.
“Hey, isn't that my sexy, mind blowing, yet equally a lame ass author friend or is this an imposter I'm seeing?.”  His words made Kate spin around and s he stared right at him,  left him utterly breathless.  He watched  her face light up for a brief moment before dropping down into her serious look.
The smile kicked his heart into beating again.  There was no way he couldn't smile back. Then just like that, it was gone, and her face changed into a near-frown. He could feel himself breaking out in a sweat and his hands gripped at his hips  bones as he tired to smile back at her. It made him more than nervous to hear the next words out of her mouth.
Trace knew There's no way he couldn't smile back at her.  She hooked him and he wasn't about to get away any time soon

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